Everything I thought I didn’t want, I got. I got broken, cracked open into pieces. I had no choice but to completely surrender and feel all the pain I had been fighting to not feel. I felt like I was pushed down into a dark hole, but guess what, the light is shining through again. As I walk my way on the treadmill while writing this, I remind myself all I can do is be here, wherever here is, and love it. Love myself and every inch of this journey.
It can be difficult to see tough times as the beautiful blessing they really are. But I see now that it is exactly where I asked to be.
I’m finally learning how to FULLY be on my own. No, I’m not really alone, I have myself along with incredible friends and family. But I don’t need anyone else to fill my time or some subconscious void I carry from relationship, to relationship. I am fully alone in this new relationship with myself. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Being okay in my solitude or in my times of lonely has made me stronger, and WAY more of myself than if I were to jump into the next shiny thing to coat my ego or mask my hurt and fear of being alone. I’ve unmasked and eliminated distraction by distraction, only left here and now with me…. and the 50 other people surrounding me at the gym, haha.
At times I’ve wanted to run straight back into my old norm, the pattern I was always afraid to let go of. But every time I got that feeling of needing to do so, I was reminded that acting through my ego, will never truly sustained any kind of real fulfilment. And after the temptation wears off, it proves to be nothing but another distraction.
Sometimes it feels scarier to not run back, and hide beneath the patterns. But because I’ve proved so much to myself with the choices of not going back, I see a power in myself I never really saw. My authenticity, my strength, and my intense ability to love unconditionally, even when my ego doesn’t want me to. I know that I can break my own patterns by 1 simple choice…and I see that especially right now, I am no where near alone, and neither are you.
Revelling in my new found independence, I finally understand how it is the space where one TRULY gets to find themselves and to know their truest, highest soul. Coming into this space now, I am so certain that what is meant for someone will never pass them.
Whatever you’re going through, exciting, boring, sad, hard, confusing, surprising, incredible, know that it is all here for a reason. And any of the stuff you don’t want…It is also here for you, to learn and to finally choose a new, empowering, different way…to create a new empowering, different life, and to grow into the amazing you that you already are.
It may seem hard for you to see the light now, but I promise you, the more you allow yourself to breakdown, the faster you will allow the light and yourself to breakthrough.
The things that break us down are the things that have come into our lives to make us whole, to build ourselves back up into more of the amazing beings we are…each time we fall. Remember, there’s always beauty in the breakdown.